This article was submitted anonymously.
I was put on assignment by my company in Campinas, Brazil with less than 3 weeks notice. But I was younger and single and it thus was a cool adventure. Plus I was living in a city I do not like, so getting away was even more appealing. My lease was up anyway, so I put my stuff in storage and started a life without a fixed address… literally “homeless.”
My assignment lasted a little over 3 months. During that time, I’d learned enough portuguese to express interest in a lovely young lady and for her to express interest in me. But I knew my assignment would be ending, so I stayed the gentleman and took no steps to advance the relationship. On my last night there, she was truly shocked that I was leaving permanently. That stunk.
Heading North
My colleagues in Campinas spoke highly of the beaches in the North of Brazil. So, at the end of my assignment, I planned a two-week vacation to Maceió and Fortaleza. I’ve often traveled internationally alone, both business and pleasure, so this seemed a great idea. Fortaleza has a relatively developed casino industry and a good airport. (At the time, there were direct flights there from Amsterdam Schiphol, full of surfers. This may still be true.) But given the development in town, I really wanted to stay outside the city. I used my (very weak) portuguese and a rented car to get me to an isolated fishing village about 100km away. Even if I said the name of the place, you could not find it without asking a local (in portuguese). However, anyone wishing to repeat my journey could instead pick from the large number of great beaches near these cities. Given the isolation, the beaches out of town are unspoiled and mostly deserted: you can have your own mile of beach with no one else on it. I saved some money and stayed in a pousada, which came complete with hooks for my hammock. It was what I wanted — a wonderful break after a tough assignment, completely devoid of email, phone, etc. It’s a rare privilege to find a place so beautiful, unspoiled, and quiet. Mostly I just went to the beach, walking, looking for shells, reading a book, etc. I went to the beach at night too: it’s really something to be able to see the North Star and then turn around to see the Southern Cross!
On the Beach
One of those days, I went down to the beach. Then it hit me, an epiphany that changed my life. I’m not one to be lonely, even when I’m alone. (Cue “Aztec Camera” if you know the song.) I was going to take a swim and I suddenly realized that if I disappeared from the beach… if I drowned or some other disaster befell me… that no one knew where I was. No one in the town knew me and there were certainly no lifeguards! There was no one traveling with me. I had no girlfriend who would worry. I had no address. I was staying at a pousada where one pays cash — no fancy check-in with passport or credit card required. Once they realized I was missing, not one of my relatives or State-side friends knew where to start looking aside from “somewhere in Brazil, probably.” And not one of my collegues in Campinas knew where I was other than “near Fortaleza, maybe.”
Now that’s a pretty scary feeling. It was not just that I was alone on the beach; at that moment, I was alone in the world. I was not suicidal — it’s not that I wanted to have disaster befall me — but who would know or care if something did happen? That’s not just lonely; it’s sad and lonely. And quite the contrast: how could someone who was well-paid, single in a country of beautiful women, on an unspoiled beach on a brilliant, sunny day be unhappy?
The only conclusion I could come to was that my priorities were not aligned with what would make me happy. Right then, I decided I’d change a few things in my life so that I never felt so bad again. I decided that I would not live in a city I did not like… that I would not even interview for “great jobs” unless they were based in a place I wanted to live. I decided I would not go on “adventures” or travel so much just because a company asked me to, regardless of career implications. I decided I’d work to have good relationships with girlfriends and renew friendships with old friends. I decided, right then and there, in an incredible moment of clarity.
The Happy Ending
Upon returning to the States, I remained at the company for a few months, living in a long-term hotel in the city I did not like. I then moved… well, took my stuff out of storage and had it shipped… to take a job in a city I like. I live there still. I met my wife there. We’re still married. In 12 years, I have never been back to the city I did not like, not even the airport. And I have not gone on any business trips longer than a week or so, certainly no lengthy adventures. I fundamentally changed in that moment on that beach and I have never regretted it.
Photo by Izreal
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Lovely article mate. Planning on living in Brazil and practising capoeira within the next two years. I used to be a management consultant so know about the hotels and the traveling! thanks for your insights – I appreciate it. (PS: I don’t normally comment on blog posts but this one was worth it!